My Only Wish
by fangirlflails
Summary: My first official Tiva story. Tony feels nostalgic and writes Ziva a letter in a moment of weakness. Christmas Fic. Tiva Fluff.


**My Only Wish**

I thought of this little thing while at work this morning, so I decided to write it out. It's just some fluff. Maybe even a small amount of angst. I don't know. You decide. Merry Christmas!

 _ **Disclaimer:** Unfortunately, I do not own NCIS. If I did, Cote would be back and there would be more Tiva than actual Plot._

 _ **Setting:** About 3 years post PPF. For the sake of this fic, we will say that Tony and Zoe broke up about 6-9 months before this takes place._

I take full credit for any mistakes, and if you see any, feel free to point them out to me!

(I was listening to Britney Spears' version of My Only Wish when this idea came about, so. Maybe you should listen to it before reading? Or during? I don't know. Totally not necessary though.)

* * *

It was the first week of December, and Tony was feeling rather nostalgic. He walked along the trail that he and Ziva used to run along, Christmas music filtering into his ears through headphones. He smiled at the thought of her. It had been just over three years since they parted ways, but he still couldn't help but to think about what could have been.

He sighed as he came to the end of the trail. It could bring back memories, but that was about it. Tony tried to keep his mood light by continuing the playlist of Christmasy music for the ride home, but he just couldn't keep his mind off of her. What had she been up to in the last three years? Had she found the peace she was looking for? Had she died trying? Had she fallen in love with someone else? Made a new life?

It was this line of thinking that brought him to a decision. He would write her a letter.

He turned the key and let his apartment door swing open. He hung his coat and removed his gloves before heading to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of whiskey, not caring that it was 10am on a Sunday. Drink in hand, he walked over to the dining table and sat down, and pen and notepad in front of him.

 _Dear Ziva,_

 _I realize that this letter may never get to you, but I just have some questions that need to be asked._

He tears the page from the notepad and crumples it up, setting it on the table to the side.

 _Dear Ziva,_

 _Sometimes I miss you so much it hurts._

He tears the page and crumples it, setting it next to the first ball.

 _Hey,_

 _Been thinking about you a lot lately, wondering how you're doing and all. I just wanted to make sure you weren't dead, you know, since we kinda just ceased all communication and what not. So, here's an update on all things NCIS:_

 _-McGee's engaged to Delilah. She's lovely. They're both really good for each other._

 _-Gibbs got shot by a kid. Two inches higher and boss woulda been kaput. It's all good though. The good doctor stitched him up (and by stitched, I mean went through a few several hour long surgeries), and now he's working through some stuff._

 _-I was in a relationship. We ended it though. She said I was too hung up on another woman, which, as it turns out, is completely true. We're still friends though. I think me and Zoe always did work out better as friends anyways._

 _-Your replacement is…Interesting. She's grown on us though. She's kinda like a puppy. That was left in the rain. And now it's curled up on your porch looking for shelter, and maybe a few snacks if she's completely honest. It's good though. She's good. We are training her up real nice. Although, I don't think her husband really appreciates that. He cheated on her cause they didn't work together anymore. Stupid, I know. But we've got her back._

 _-Abby is Abby. She's been with this cop for a while now, he's pretty great. Gets along with all of us too, which is a plus._

 _-Dad got remarried. To my mother's best friend, no less. And then she left him for a younger, richer man. I never would have thought. I actually liked this stepmom. I had a stepsister too (a plus that I didn't have to get to know her, since we grew up together.) She has a son. I kinda liked him, believe it or not. I liked being an uncle. She says that I can still be his uncle if I want to though, even though her "Mother is an idiot and doesn't know what she's missing." That's what she told me, anyways. I agree. Linda and Dad were genuinely kinda great together._

 _Okay. The past few years have been interesting to say the least. I think that's all the update I have. If you want the long version, well. You'll have to come over sometime._

 _Anyways. I guess I'm rambling. I really hope you are doing well. _

_All my love,_

 _Tony_

 _P.S. I really do miss you, Zi. I wish this wasn't the way things had played out. I sincerely hope you know that._

When he was finished, he read over the letter three times, just to make sure that it didn't sound too ridiculous before he folded it and stuffed it in an envelope.

The next day, he put his investigative skills to good use. It took him nearly the whole day to locate it, but he was satisfied nonetheless. He'd found an address for Ziva's Aunt Nettie. He was more than sure that she would get the letter to Ziva.

He addresses the envelope with a smile and reads over the letter one more time, just in case, before re-stuffing the envelope, sealing it, and sticking it in his outgoing mail stack.

* * *

The following weeks flew by, and before he knew it, it was Christmas Eve, and tonight was the obligatory Team "Christmas Party." In retrospect, it was more of a get together than a party, but it was usually enjoyable. This year though, he was rather occupied elsewhere. He told himself and told himself that he wasn't expecting any sort of response from her, but he couldn't help that he was waiting for a reply that would never come.

He busied himself with the Palmer's toddler, Victoria, teaching her how to use the toy he'd bought for her to the best of his abilities. He'd said his pleasantries to his co-workers and stayed as long as needed before heading home to nurse a bottle of whiskey.

It was stupid. He shouldn't have sent that letter in the first place. He knew he would just be setting himself up for emotional turmoil.

When he gets home, he goes through the motions. Pours a drink, changes into his comfy pajama pants and a t-shirt, plops down on the couch and presses play. Tonight he decides to watch the newest Bond film; it's been digitally released early for the holidays.

He's halfway into the movie when he hears the knock at his door. He groans and sets his almost empty glass on the coffee table, wondering who would be bothering him at this late hour on Christmas Eve. He hoists himself from the couch after pausing the movie and runs a hand through his hair as he makes his way to the door.

He turns the knob and swings the door inward, ready to sound off a not so polite remark to whomever dare bother him while he attempts to brood, but before he has a chance to be angry, he sees who's standing at his door. She stands in front of him with what looks like a twinge of nervousness. She tries to hold his gaze, but finds that she can't without feeling tremendously guilty, so she averts her gaze downward.

He's dumbfounded. Speechless. Is this really happening? He opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out, so he shuts it again.

"I…I got your letter." She says quietly, looking up at him through her lashes.

He is a man. He will not cry. He lets out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding and lunges toward her, enveloping her in a bone crushing bear hug. He buries his face in her hair and breaths in her scent, and as cliché as it sounds, it smells like coming home, and he can't help but to smile.

"I didn't actually think you would come…" He whispers into her hair.

She relaxes into his embrace, having forgotten just how much she missed the feel of him, how much she had missed _him._ "I had already been planning to return to the states, your letter just made it easier to set a date. I also didn't even begin to know how I would approach reaching out to you, so thank you for taking that off of my back." She rests her head on his shoulder and breaths in deep.

He pulled away from her just enough to see her face and smiled. "C'mon. Let's get out of the hallway at least. You know how nosy my neighbors can be, and we've got a lot of catching up to do."

She half laughed, half sighed and obliged, letting him take her hand and lead her into the apartment.

Tony shut the door and secured the bolt before turning back to her and letting a goofy smile take over his face. "God, I've missed you," He said as he leaned in and captured her lips with his in the tenderest of kisses.

She melted into him, getting lost in the way he held her, letting out a squeak of protest when he pulled away and rested his forehead against hers.

"You have no idea," she whispered.

* * *

 **A/N:** I've recently been trying my hand at writing Tiva, and I think I'm doing a fairly good job, but I won't know that for sure until I actually post some of it. The fics I am currently working on are multi chapter though, so they won't be posted anytime soon.

Thank you so much for reading. I would love it if you'd review, but Im totally fine with favorites/follows.

I hope you all have had the Merry-est of Christmas's, and if I don't post anything before New Years, have a Happy New Year too!


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